Second Annual Arby's Day (2009)

"America's Roast Beef? Yes, sir!" As long as it is October 29, that is. Last year on that date, my younger brother and I discovered that we crave Arby's about once a year. After we ate some, we immediately remembered why we only crave it once a year. And so, an annual tradition was born.

The Princess and the Frog Trailer

I love animation. Most of my Blu-ray/DVD collection consists of it–Disney full-length features, PIXAR masterpieces, Warner Brothers’ hilarious shorts, the list goes on. The animated feature is the only medium that can constantly move me to tears (not SOBBING but there have been some waterworks). When Toy Story came out in 1995 and 3-D animation entered the scene, a lot of studios began dumping their animation programs and vowed to never do 2-D animation again. Disney has since realized their idiocy and is returning to its roots with their first traditionally animated feature since 2004.



I don’t know about you but that trailer produced mixed emotions. It has two very different moods. The beginning gives me chills. The music is dramatic setting the mood as the pencil slowly recreates the familiar characters and scenes from Disney’s short lived “Second Golden Age.” You watch that montage and feel “magical” then... They show footage from the movie and they lose me. Don’t get me wrong, the animation looks fantastic and it’s great to see 2-D characters brought to life but the scenes they show–that slap-sticky, gassy humor–simply reminds me of the crapfest that Disney has been chumming out for the last 15 years:

Pocahontas, 1995
The Hunchback of Notre Dame, 1996
Hercules, 1997
Mulan, 1998
Tarzan, 1999
Fantasia 2000, 1999
Dinosaur, 2000
The Emperor's New Groove, 2000
Atlantis: The Lost Empire, 2001
Lilo & Stitch, 2002
Treasure Planet, 2002
Brother Bear, 2003
Home on the Range, 2004
Chicken Little, 2005

Now they weren’t ALL bad, but they weren’t exactly up to snuff either. When you look at this list and add it to the list of the direct-to-DVD garbage they’ve put out (Cinderella IV: Getting a Key Made), it brings up some doubts that Disney can actually pull this off. Can they bring the “magic?” Sure, Disney has started to pull its head out since Lasseter took over but the trailer for The Princess and the Frog didn’t make me think, “Alright! Disney is back!” Right now, all I am thinking is, “I hope they are back and that these doubts can be attributed to whoever cut the trailer together. Maybe these are the only completed shots they had to work with. –Or it was a rush job –Or Chunk got the police –Or one of Willy's booby traps.”

The word "film."

Over the last few years, more and more people think they know something about movies because they went to a class in college. To show off their knowledge and education, they have started to use the word “film” to talk about movies. Ironically, they use the word in the wrong context making them look stupid. Here is a how-to on where and when to use the word “film” and other movie terms.

There are many words you can use to refer to movies each with their own connotation. The most versatile word is “movie” it is a good multi-purpose word that can be used in most all conversation. When in doubt, use “movie.”

The word “film“ connotes quality and artistic integrity (or something french). Use this word when you are referring to something good. Examples of films include: The Godfather, Raiders of the Lost Ark, PSYCHO, etc. Do not use “film” to describe movies of questionable quality. Don’t Mess With the Zohan is not a film. The Love Guru is not a film. In fact, most everything featuring SNL alumni is not a film.

Use “feature film” or “feature” when you are referring to the length of the movie. It goes in the same vein as “short film” or “short.”

When you are talking about silent movies or when movies incorporated sound, use the words “silent“ and “talkie” respectively.

Now, this isn’t gospel. There are exceptions to every rule but remember these guidelines and save yourself some embarrassment.

Cash: The Best Gift Ever

It's like a gift card to everywhere.

I've Met My Quota

As far as stereotypes go, men are supposed to love professional sports. This generality has created fodder for sitcoms and standup comics for decades. But because I don’t care much for professional sports, I had to find some other way to fulfill the stereotype. Thankfully, in 1992, I discovered the Olympic Games. Every two years since then, some primal instinct awakes in me and I revel in true sport. For those three weeks you can find me firmly planted on the couch, finding truth in all those quips I used to see on TGIF. This past Olympiad was no exception and I’m glad to say that I have filled my “sports quota,” at least until Vancouver.

Cold Cuts

Ever since man has been able to harness the power of fire, there is no reason why meat should ever be cold. 

Attention Panhandlers:

If you ask for money to pay your bus fare, don't do it in front of the liquor store (people might question your motives).

Slurpee Season

As the temperature rises and the dry heat of Utah enters your lungs, your parched throat aches for relief. For me relief comes in a slender cup, topped with a domed lid--A SLURPEE.

For me Slurpees are an institution of summer, and this summer will be no exception. I have had 4 in as many days. Thankfully for me, I have always been within walking distance of a “Sev.” I’ve had more Slurpees than I can count and it is my second favorite treat after Root Beer Floats (If anyone really wants to impress me, don’t make brownies or a cake, just drop off some vanilla ice cream and some quality root beer and I will praise your name).

I have thought a lot about Slurpees, their flavors, and how to enjoy them. I have taken these thoughts and applied them in a Slurpee Method.

Cup Selection
When it comes to Slurpees you have to know how much you can handle, and how long it’ll take you to drink it. It is a time sensitive drink. If you don’t drink it fast enough, it melts and if you drink it too fast, you will suffer a Sphenopalatineganglioneuralgia (sfee-noh-pal-uh-teen-gan-glee-oh-new-ral-juh). Commonly known as a BrainFreeze.

Lid
You should always put the lid on first before filling your Slurpee cup. The self-serve Slurpee machines have been known to eject the slush quickly causing backsplash or an unwanted eruption. The dome lid has a hole that fits perfectly around the spout protecting you from such mishaps.

Flavor Selection
Another mistake I observe people making when they get a Slurpee is they find the flavor that they want and start to fill their cup, only to be disappointed when their cup fills with syrup rather than Slurpee. There are steps to take to avoid this.

1.) Make a visual inspection of the beverage through the convenient window. There you will see your Slurpee dancing like a sock in a dryer. If it looks like liquid then it probably is.

2.) There are also lights on the side of the machine indicating which spouts are ready to be used. So before you pick your flavor check the lights and make sure it is done.

When you have found a flavor that you like, don't pull the lever all the way from right to left. If you do pull it all the way you open the flood gates and your cup will fill, not only with Slurpee, but with a lot of syrup. The best method is to find the "sweet spot" somewhere in the middle where you let in Slurpee but not a lot of liquid. After you fill it up a lil wait about 20 seconds and then tap the cup on the counter or against your hand. This will release any trapped air giving you more room to add more Slurpee.

Straw Selection
There are two lengths of Slurpee straws-- short and long. These straws also come in a variety of colors. When selecting a straw choose one what will fit with your cup size. I also like to choose straws that will complement the color of my cup. When you open your straw you will notice that one end of the straw has been cut and formed to be a spoon. The natural instinct is to put this end into the beverage first and to drink out of the traditional end. When you get your next Slurpee I suggest that you reverse that procedure and insert the traditional end first and drink out of the spoon end.

When you do you will notice that the the beverage doesn’t just go streaming down your throat, rather the spoon will disperse, or fan, the Slurpee onto your tongue giving you a full flavor sensation. With the traditional end down you will also find it easer to suck up the little bit of Slurpee that always sticks to the bottom of the cup.

Finally, pay for it and enjoy.

The Wii—It’s All In Your Head

We have a Nintendo Wii at my house. If you haven’t played a Wii then WAKE UP—It’s 2008! For those who don’t know, the Wii is a video game console that incorporates interactivity in a fantastic new way. Instead of using buttons and joysticks to control the game, you actually move and shake the controller. In Wii Bowling, for example, you hold the controller in your hand, and then you motion with the controller just as you would if your were really bowling. It is so easy and intuitive that even the older generation is getting into it.


It is a lot of fun, but it can also shatter your confidence.

I am a Pro Bowler on Wii bowling. On average I score about 250 points per game (a perfect game is 300 points so...yeah). I was amazed by my new ability, until I went to FatCats. I strutted into the alley with confidence. I was sure that the hours if mimicking the movements of a professional bowler would pay off. I was confident that my Wii skills would transfer into a real-life situation. I was wrong. After three games my highest score was 112 points. I was shocked! I quickly went home and bowled on the Wii and scored my highest score ever. I couldn’t understand it. I then came to the conclusion that it was all in my head. The Wii won’t teach you any skills that you can use in real life. At least that's true for bowling. I’m still pretty sure that I can play the guitar though.